


Cold.

by rubyrosettared



Category: Political Animals
Genre: Gen, Revenge, a little au, what if
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-10-20
Updated: 2017-10-20
Packaged: 2019-01-20 01:50:44
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 11,310
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12422553
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/rubyrosettared/pseuds/rubyrosettared
Summary: Revenge is a dish best served...Slightly AU and set around the events of TJ's suicide attempt. His cousin Lily exacts revenge.Rewritten, edited and tidied up. Rated M for language.





	Cold.

**Cold**.

She gets the phone call late at night. No good news ever comes in the wee small hours and hearing Dougie’s quiet level voice inform her that TJ is in the hospital proves that old adage to be true.

“He’s gonna be okay Lily thank God but it was touch and go for a little while.” He sighs out those last few words and it’s then that she hears the pain behind the professionalism. _Touch and go_. It still catches the back of her throat, that he was so close to not coming back.  Her TJ, best friend, cousin and partner in crime. Just the thought of him not being on this earth still has the power to steal the breath from her lungs.

Dougie’s always so precise, so stiff upper lip, so damned correct all the time. He never used to be. That used to be TJ. Before the White House,  _he_ was the straitlaced one, the polite proper one. The shy sweet soul, the musical one whose piano skills held folk spellbound. Dougie was the wild one, the more experimental one, the devil may care don’t give a damn one. The one always getting into scrapes.

And then The White House Happened.

That’s what TJ calls that transformation and it was as though the brothers swapped identities. Dougie revelled in the attention, embraced it even but TJ? He just wanted to hide away from the constant unrelenting scrutiny, the speculation, the gossip as well as the judgement of three hundred million people. He was struggling with so much at such a young age and rather than talk, he sought solace in anything that would try to help him to forget. It was weed first, he and Lily both got high in the Lincoln Bedroom, they were fifteen. She didn’t really go much further than that but for TJ it was as though the devil took up residence in his soul. He wanted to test his mortality and because of that he quickly progressed to pills, anything he could get his hands on, anything to numb the feeling of perpetual self-consciousness. Finally he graduated to coke. That’s his poison, his addiction, his weak spot. That’s his ultimate downfall. He doesn’t touch heroin; he’s not a big fan of needles but coke…that’s his best buddy that and alcohol. He’s not particularly fussy about what kind of booze. If it does what he wants it to do then it’s all good as far as he’s concerned.

It was during their weed shenanigans in the Lincoln Bedroom that he confessed something private to his cousin. The fact that he liked boys and he was conflicted because back then he also liked girls too. TJ admitted to having a huge crush on a boy in his Math class, a blond hunk, to use his expression, by the name of Spencer. No one knew of course, he was careful to keep it to himself but he felt confused because he assured Lily that he still had that fascination for girls too. He loved the softness of their skin, how they smelled, the shape of their bodies and their breasts but boys; that lit him up on a different level all together.  Lily told him that it was possible to be into both; to like both and to not worry about trying to fit into a box. She remembers how he frowned at that, absorbing it, contemplating the possibility.

He asked her to keep this piece of information to herself. Lily thinks from fear that he thought he’d said too much, a blurted out confession never to be taken back. She also thinks he thought that it would change how she would think of him, how she would look at him but it didn’t. He thought she would either hold it against him or that she would abandon him.

She promised him that she would forever love him, no matter what. His sexuality wasn’t even an issue, never had been and never would be. It took him a little while before he believed her.  

TJ and Dougie are six months older than Lily and first cousins. Growing up they were the Unholy Trinity. They bonded; TJ Hammond and his cousin Lily Hammond Smith. She’s the niece of the President, or at least she was. Her mom is their dad’s little sister; Katherine Hammond Smith. Lily and TJ were partners in crime growing up and in their late teens their parents despaired. Dougie straightened out, toed the party line but Lily and TJ? They were wild. Parties, shenanigans, the drugs and the alcohol. They were in the papers constantly, sniffed at, joked about, sneered at but they didn’t care. Lily’s mother always thought TJ was a bad influence on her, tried every which way to separate them but truth be told, Lily thinks it was six of one and half a dozen of the other where bad influences were concerned. No one could keep them apart for long and eventually her mother stopped trying.

As they got older they became well known faces in some of the best, most exclusive clubs. TJ Hammond and his entourage. Anyone who wanted to be part of the gang had to pass muster with The Pit Bull, the pit bull in question of course being Lily. They looked out for each other Lily and TJ, trusted each other implicitly; they knew each other’s darkest secrets. No one could get between them though God knows a few tried. They had an unbreakable bond and Lily knew a few people hated her because of it. People loved the Party Prince of Pennsylvania Avenue when times were good, when the alcohol and the pills and the perks were flowing but when he crashed and burned, as he inevitably did, TJ became the pariah instead. He wasn’t stupid though, he knew what they thought of him and he didn’t care. After all it was usually Lily who mopped up after him when he did crash and burn and it was always Lily that he wanted when he did, no one else, not Dougie or his date _du jour_. His cousin Lily, his partner in crime. TJ quickly learned who he could trust and who he couldn’t.

Lily remembers the shit storm that was unleashed the day he publicly came out. The press had obtained photos of TJ kissing a boy in an alley behind a club and were threatening to go public with it so a pre-emptive strike was launched and a statement released in an attempt to inoculate public opinion before the article could see the light of day but still, the hate he received especially by the right wing press was breath taking in its cruelty. They castigated him, all but accused him of being in league with the devil, a potential corrupter of American youth. They didn’t see what Lily saw, away from the bad boy image he liked to so publicly cultivate. They didn’t see that he was the sweetest, funniest guy on the planet, that he would do anything for anyone. TJ looked after Lily like a big brother, he got her out of more than one scrape with a boyfriend who wouldn’t take no for an answer. After each heartbreak he would show up at her front door with a good bottle of wine, ice cream and a couple of dvds and he would force feed her both while mopping up her tears and telling her there were better fish in the sea; never more, always better.

No, the press fixated on TJ’s sexuality, on his troubles, his fuck ups; he was the punch line on countless late night talk shows. Lily used to see his face as he watched them. He would smile and he’d laugh along but she knew that what they all said about him hurt, it _really_ fucking hurt but he was a Hammond and he wouldn’t let them see that their words wounded and that their cruel laughter scraped him raw inside and out.

* * *

Lily races to the hospital, her heart threatening to pound right out of her chest. She needs to see him, she needs to see for herself that he’ll be as okay as Dougie has said. What if he’s lying to her? What if he’s actually lying in the morgue and that he’s protecting her from the worst?  Why would Dougie lie to her if that’s the case? He’s never lied to her before, it’s a point of honour between them.  The worrying doesn’t ease the closer she gets to him. She’s actually running along the corridor to his room once she gets to the hospital, after she’s shown three types of ID to the security posted outside of the corridor to prove that she is who she says she is, even though every newspaper, every television news network, every talk show constantly talk about TJ and Lily.  The floor has been cleared for him even though he’s been admitted under an assumed name. Lily mentally thanks Dougie for warning her to bring plenty of ID, even though they’re so well-known together. It will only take one enterprising nurse or member of hospital staff to make the connection, recognise her and realise who their patient is and make that all important phone call to the press corps. Lily is quickly hustled onto the hospital floor before that can become a reality.

She pauses when she sees Aunt Elaine come out of his room. There are two security guards posted outside, tall and intimidating in their dark suits and their ear pieces. Lily is used to them, used to their ghost like presence during the White House years and again now that her Aunt is Secretary of State. No one is getting past them. Like TJ , she's got used to ignoring them being around but they’re still a daunting presence all the same.

Around them are the trappings of Christmas, even in a hospital like this one. A large elaborate tree had greeted Lily as she hurried into the building, there is tinsel festooned here and there and carols were playing in the elevator as she travelled up to his floor. She ignores them all for now.

Elaine sees her and waits for the younger girl to catch up before hugging her.

“Lily, thanks for coming…” She’s swept up in warmth and Joy perfume. Familiar Aunt Elaine things. Lily looks at her and she feel tears perilously close. Aunt Elaine’s smile is tired, kind. This isn’t the first time she’s been involved in a medical emergency where TJ is concerned but it’s the first time in a long time that the stakes are this high.

“How is he Aunt Elaine?” Lily whispers. She catches one of her hands in hers and holds on.

“It was touch and go for a little while, he had almost lethal levels of carbon monoxide in his blood as well as booze and sleeping pills but the doctors are confident he’ll recover.”

Carbon monoxide. That’s a new one. Lily was expecting to be told which pill or powder he’d overdosed on this time but this? All of a sudden she’s cold as well as nauseous.

“How…” she begins, bewildered.

Aunt Elaine’s expression turns bleak. “He was in my car Lily. I was the one who…found him,” she whispers, her voice foundering. Instinctively Lily tightens her hold on her aunt’s hand. Carbon monoxide as well as the pills and booze; TJ really meant it. She swallows against a suddenly dry throat.

“He’ll be okay?” she croaks out.

Elaine nods. "In time," she promises.

“Thank God,” Lily whispers in response, briefly closing her eyes. She doesn’t want to picture a life without TJ in it.  “Can I go in and see him?”

“Of course. He’s sleeping for now but you can sit with him, he’ll be glad to see you when he wakes up.” She presses a kiss on her cheek then looks to the security guards.

“You know Lily,” she reminds them and Lily glances at them, offering a nervous smile as she goes into the room.

* * *

She slowly approaches TJ’s bedside. He’s asleep but he’s got an oxygen mask over his nose and mouth as well as an oxygen monitor clipped to a finger. There’s also a machine monitoring his heartbeat close by too. She glances at them as she sits down on the chair beside him. He’s pale but his cheeks and the tip of his nose are pink. She reaches across and slides her hand into his. He’s warm to the touch and that surprises her a little bit. She doesn’t know what to expect to be honest. Lily watches him and sees his eyes roll beneath their delicate pale pink eyelids. A moment later and they’re beginning to open. He blinks and he looks at her and she sees them widen slightly when they fix on her, recognise her.

“Hey Tommy,” she whispers. He doesn’t react. He sometimes gives her shit for calling him that. Lily likes to remind him that he’s Thomas James so of course the nickname applies. Tommy is just a name used between immediate family except no one really calls him that except Lily and sometimes his mother. Not even his grandmother calls him that; she just calls him a little shit. And he is when it suits him.

He doesn’t respond, just blinks a couple of times and instead he looks at her, his blue eyes vivid against a pale face. She moves closer to the bedside, rests her chin on her arm as she regards him.

“What happened honey?” she whispers. He stares at her and huge glassy tears well up in his eyes and slip down his cheeks. A lump forms in her throat and she leans closer, presses a kiss on his forehead and rests hers against his for a minute, closing her eyes for another. She then takes a quiet deep breath and sits back down and she takes his hand again. With a shaky hand TJ pulls the oxygen mask away.

“I fucked up Lily, I fucked up again,” he whispers to her.  She squeezes his hand, feeling his fingers tighten around hers.

“Can you talk about it, about why?” she asks and he frowns slightly and then shakes his head. “Is there anything I can do?”

TJ looks at her and despite his tears, he smiles.

“You’re already doin’ it.”

Lily reaches across and puts the mask back across his nose and mouth.

“Try and get some rest. I’m not going anywhere so don’t worry,” she murmurs to him and watches his eyes drift shut again.

* * *

Lily stays with him until he falls asleep. She leans across and presses another kiss on his forehead and gets to her feet and she heads outside. She needs fresh air, she needs to think over the circumstances that have placed them here today.

Aunt Elaine is standing nearby, talking to someone on her cell. Lily waits until she’s finished and as she concludes her call, she turns and when she sees her, comes over.

“How is he? Did he wake up?”

“Just for a little bit.” Lily replies and then looks up at her. “What happened for him to do this to himself? He won’t tell me.”

“He won’t talk to anyone sweetheart,” Elaine tells her.

 “Why not?” Lily whispers.

“Sean Reeves.”

Lily eyes widen when she hears that name.

“Oh damn. What happened?”

“From what I can gather, they broke up. Did you know they were in a relationship?” Lily can hear her disapproval. She has no problem with TJ’s sexuality, she just doesn’t like the fact that her son is in love with a married man; a very closeted married man with a wife and children back in Ohio.

Lily just nods. She did know TJ was in love with Sean. She never got to meet him but TJ talked about him constantly when they were together. She didn’t mind, it was nice to see him so lit up from the inside over someone, how his expression would change at the mention of his name. From the first time he mentioned him to her, she knew that this was different for him. Sean made him happy in ways no one else could plus he kept him sober. TJ wanted Lily to meet him but it never happened; life, circumstances, whatever it was, it always got in the way. She wanted to meet him, she wanted to meet the man who put this light into her cousin’s eyes.

Of course it bothered TJ that Sean had a wife and a family but they were back west so he liked to pretend that in Washington, they didn’t exist but of course they did and when he remembered their existence, he liked to tell himself and Lily that true love would always win, that he and Sean were in love and that things like this have a habit of working themselves out. Lily knew it would ultimately end in tears, that there would be no easy way around this. That the openness and honesty that TJ would want would never happen, that ultimately his heart would be broken and it has been.

A thought then occurs to Lily as she looks at her aunt again.

“Was it something to do with the Child Protection Bill? It was hopelessly deadlocked. I heard Sean voted against party policy and surprised a fair few people. Was he blackmailed? Did someone find out about them?”

Another reason why it’s a taboo subject, the Hammonds are lifelong staunch Democrats. Sean Reeves is a Republican who got elected on a ticket of conservatism, family values and as straight as they come ideals. Tall, blond, blue eyed and model handsome, the press adore him. Apparently his regular visits to the gym earned him the honour of having the best abs on the Hill. TJ has confirmed to Lily more than once that those rumours are true. A closeted married Republican congressman with eyes to greater things wouldn’t be tolerated either at home or on the Hill.

Elaine looks back at her, all of a sudden exhausted by everything and she nods her dark head.

“Yeah. He was blackmailed to change his vote and TJ bore the brunt of it. I can imagine it wasn’t pretty.”

Lily sighs. It wouldn’t have been. TJ likes to project a devil may care kind of personality to the press, an affable unbreakable Teflon outer shell but in truth he’s made of glass. A carefully aimed kick and he will shatter.

“Who blackmailed him?”

Elaine shrugs. “That piece of information I haven’t discovered yet but I will. If you hear anything, please let me know?”

Lily nods. If she hears anything on the street then of course but anything from TJ himself well that’s like the confessional, sacrosanct.

* * *

The next time Lily sees him, all the monitors are off. The pink cheeks have gone and he’s semi reclined in bed, idly clicking through the television channels on the screen just above his head which are chock full of Christmas themed shows, adverts and movies. The jollity on screen is saccharine sweet and forced, nauseating. He doesn’t acknowledge her. His eyes are faded, empty.

“Hey you,” she murmurs to him, leaning across and pressing a kiss on one unshaven cheek. He doesn’t respond, he doesn’t even look at her. She sits down beside him and looks up at the television screen and he’s stopped on a news channel. Lily watches as a tall, young blond man appears on the screen, clad in a navy blue suit, striped tie, perfect white smile. Her heart stops in her chest when she recognises him. Sean Fucking Reeves, telling the press present with a bright insincere smile that he’s heading home to spend the holiday with his perfect wife and gorgeous children. In that instant, Lily hates him. She glances at TJ and he’s gone still, like he’s seeing a ghost. She reaches across and slides the TV remote out of his hand and she switches the television off. TJ still doesn’t look at her.

“None of that,” she tells him in a low firm voice.

Slowly, finally, he turns his head in her direction. “He called me an American punchline,” he whispers to her. He then frowns and then swallows and Lily sees tears swell in his eyes but they don’t quite spill over. “You know what happened, right?”

Lily just nods and watches her cousin take a deep breath.

“I told him I loved him and that… we’d figure it out… get through everything together…and he said…that I was no one to him, that I meant... nothing, that he was… _experimenting_ …” The last word is whispered, pure pain and the tears begin to fall. Lily doesn’t think, she just reacts and she leans over and wraps her arms around his upper body and she draws him up against her, hearing him sob into her shoulder. She can feel an answering lump in her own throat as she quietly shushes him, stroking his back, the back of his neck, the back of his head. He clings to her, fingers digging into her back.

“It was as though what we had never existed. He made it all sound so…meaningless and… cheap.” His voice is muffled against her jacket. Lily doesn’t say anything, just lets him cry his pain out, or at least the pain that is surfacing right now. She suspects there’s a lot more buried deep underneath. Eventually he draws away. His eyes are pink, rims red. Lily presses a kiss on his forehead and wipes away tears. He blinks, ducking his head, embarrassed, using the palms of both hands to wipe away any signs of his breakdown.

Lily regards him.

“You should’ve called me TJ. When you were feeling this hopeless, you should’ve picked up your goddamn phone and called me.” She keeps her voice low, tries to swallow down the anger that all of a sudden swells. He's done it before, called her at three in the morning when a love affair ended. TJ lifts his head and he look at her with widened eyes.

“I…” He falters and then shakes his head. Lily leans forwards and deliberately makes eye contact.

“You’re my cousin and I love you more than life itself. I would’ve come to you if you’d only picked up your fucking phone and asked me to.”

“I’m sorry Lil, don’t be mad at me…I didn’t think…I just wanted it to be ….done.” His eyes fill up again and she slides her arm around his neck and draws him up against her shoulder once more.

“In the future Tommy, you find me. You call me, you look for me. I mean it, you _find_ me do you hear me? I don’t care what the time or the day or whatever. I don’t want you ever thinking you’re alone and that nobody cares whether you live or die. Like you told me more than once, there are better fish in the sea.” Her voice shakes and she holds him close for another minute, pressing a kiss against the side of his head before letting him go.

He lifts his head and he looks at her.

“Do you promise?” she demands. A moment ticks by and then he nods.

“I promise,” he whispers.

She holds eye contact.  “You know what Reeves is? He’s a fucker. I know you don’t want to hear that right now but that’s what he is. That’s what you called Collin, remember?”

“Because he was…”

Collin was an ex who liked to throw his fists around when he drank too much and clung too hard because of the Hammond name.  Lily still doesn’t know what TJ said to him one night after he swung a fist and bust her lip but she hasn’t seen him since.

“And so is Reeves. He broke your heart Tommy and that makes him a top grade diamond studded fucker.”

His eyes are a vivid blue as they fix on Lily’s. He understands what she's trying to say and he shakes his head.

“No…don’t…don't you dare...”

“Why not? Isn’t it what he deserves?” 

His eyes go wide. “No. He has a wife, kids. I knew that…”

“So did he. He _hurt_ you TJ…he threw a fucking tantrum and shattered your heart in the process. Fuck him. I want to hurt _him_.”

“Don’t. I won’t let you.”

“He deliberately hurt you in the most base, cruel way possible. Does he even know you’re here? Actually it doesn’t matter, your mom wouldn’t let him within a mile of you. She’s on the warpath too, be warned.”

She sees how he closes his eyes.  “Fuck,” he groans.

“She’s your mother TJ, she’s allowed to be.”

His eyes pop open. Lily can almost hear what he’s going to say so she puts a finger over his lips to stop him.

“Don’t. She was the one who found you in her car. She was the one who pulled you out of it. She was the one who held you in her arms and screamed for someone to help. She’s your _mother_ when all is said and done and that gives her unassailable rights in some matters where you’re concerned.”

TJ sighs shakily but doesn’t say anything.

“Do you know when you’re getting out of here?” Lily asks.

“Today, depending on the results of my last round of blood work. I’m like a fucking pin cushion.” He looks down at his right arm and she can see the little bruised pin pricks. He looks back at her.

“Mom wants me back at the ole homestead for the holiday.”

“Where she and your grandma can keep an eye on you.”

“I’m not a fucking kid,” Lily hears him hiss and she gives him a level look.

“You scared them half to death Tommy, you scared us _all_ half to death.”

She sees him chew his bottom lip as he mulls this over. “I don’t think I can do it Lil, I don’t wanna be there and be part of all that glitter and forced jollity. I don’t think I could stand it.”

“You could come stay with me then? I avoid my parents over the holiday on principle. I’m sure I could swing it with your parents?” she suggests and she sees how he slowly shakes his head.

“Mom wouldn’t allow it. They’re all gonna be watching me, waiting for me to break.”

“Then why don’t I come along too, there’s plenty of room. I could keep you company, we could just talk or not, we could hang out and watch movies in your room. I’ll bring ice cream.” Lily watches his face carefully and sees the faintest smile cross his face.

“Chocolate mint chip and plenty of it,” he informs her.

* * *

He’s so fragile that Lily swears he’ll crack a little more every time that she touches him.

Fortunately Aunt Elaine is agreeable to the idea of her staying with TJ over the holiday.  Lily thinks secretly she’s kind of relieved.

She can understand why TJ doesn’t want to be here though, it looks like Santa threw up in the family room, positively drowning under the weight of tree, tinsel and baubles. What  _is_ cute is the row of stockings pinned up across the fireplace. She smiles to herself when she sees her own, pinned up next to TJ’s.

Tired and sore, TJ hides in his bedroom. Lily show up with a quart of the promised ice cream and two spoons, tapping on his bedroom door and peeking her head around. The room is in semi darkness, the curtains dragged shut across the window and she sees his outline in the centre of his bed. She doesn’t wait for his permission, she just slides right on in and heads to his bed. She’s spent enough time in here to know her way around and the arrangement of furniture hasn’t changed in all the years he’s been here, off and on. She puts the ice cream and spoons down on the bedside table closest to her and opens the curtains.

Cold winter light spreads through the room. TJ is lying on his side, facing away from her and he looks lifeless, like a partially inflated balloon. He’s present but he’s not.

“Go away,” he eventually tells her, his voice dull.

“And I brought ice cream too,” Lily deadpans and she waits. Slowly, almost tiredly he rolls onto his back and his eyes track to hers.

“I’m not in the mood for company.”

“And I’m not in the mood to listen to your mother talk about Christmas dinner seating arrangements either but we don’t always get what we want Tommy,” she answers.

“Don’t fucking call me that.”

Lily bites back a smile; a reaction at last.

“It’s your name.”

“I know what you’re trying to do and it’s not going to work.”

“Well pardon me if I disagree because it is.”

The look TJ sends her is pure poison.

“You’re not gonna go away are you?”

Lily just shakes her head and she hears him sigh and then he slowly sits up. She hands him a spoon and reaches for the ice cream tub and the second spoon and she sits down on the bed beside him.

* * *

There’s a gentle tap on the bedroom door a few hours later. TJ and Lily have talked but steered clear of any conversation about Reeves and that suits Lily fine. Just the mention of his name is enough to make her blood boil. Instead they’ve talked about more neutral stuff; pop culture, music, movies. They’ve watched a couple of DVD’s; something blood thirsty and gory that makes Lily’s stomach turn and TJ chuckle and then they stuck ‘Elf’ on given that it’s this close to Christmas and part way through it he fell asleep. He’s still asleep now, his head in Lily’s lap, her fingers stroking through his hair like days gone past. He finds it relaxing. He’s sound asleep, a comforting weight across her legs.

She watches the door open and Dougie peek his head through.

“Mom said to tell you dinner’s …ready…” His voice lowers when he sees TJ is asleep. “I’ll get them to bring up a tray later?” he amends and she nods. She then beckons him in and his expression is curious as he does

“You and I need to talk. I need to ask a favour of you but not right now.” Lily keeps her voice quiet, glancing down at TJ as she begins to speak but he doesn’t stir. She keeps on stroking his hair, slowly, rhythmically and gently.

“Sure. Whatever you need,” Dougie agrees and then leaves.

* * *

Lily finds Dougie later that night after everyone has gone to bed. He’s in the kitchen, putting himself a snack together. He watches her approach and she sees how he looks behind her, fully expecting TJ to be a couple of paces behind.

“He’s still out for the count,” she tells him.

“I’m glad he’s getting some rest. This has all been a bad, bad business.” Dougie slowly shakes his head. He glances up at her. “You want something to eat?”

She does but she’ll get it herself and she tells him. She regards him for another moment as she collects her thoughts.

“That favour I mentioned earlier…” she begins and Dougie glances at her as he puts his sandwich on a plate.

“What of it?”

She takes a deep breath.

“I need information but I also need your absolute discretion. You can’t tell anyone and definitely not TJ.” She sees how he goes still, obviously wondering what it is that needs such privacy.

“I’m intrigued but okay, you have it. What information do you need?”

“I want Reeves’ head on a platter,” Lily begins and she sees how he begins to roll his eyes.

“You want revenge? Oh Lily, I don’t think that’s such a good idea.”

“Damn right I want revenge, don’t you? That fucker has messed with the wrong person this time,” she growls. Dougie sighs and moves closer to her, his snack forgotten.

“Of course I do. Do you know what you’re gonna do?”

She nods and sees his look of curiosity but she shakes her head at it. “The less you know.”

She just knows that Reeves won’t see her coming.

“So what information do you need?”

“Where Reeves hangs out when he’s not on the Hill? Does he have a favourite watering hole for example?”

“I’m not sure but I can find out. If you’re doing what I think you’re going to do then it’s dangerous Lily, it’s entrapment and you could be arrested for it,” he hisses at her and she stares back at him.

“Only if I blackmailed him which I don’t intend to do. TJ told me what happened at his apartment, what that bastard said to him. I want his fucking _head_ Dougie, he’s going to pay for what he did to him.”

“I know you’re protective of him Lily…” His words halt as she begins to shake her head.

“Don’t try to talk me out of it because my mind is made up. All you need to do is get me that information. If you feel that you can’t then that’s fine too, I’ll get it another way. I have other friends, I’m sure one of them will come through for me.”  Lily goes to turn away but he grabs her wrist and she looks back at him and she sees the gleam in his eyes.

“What happened at TJ’s apartment?” he asks, his voice tight.

As she tells him, Lily sees how pale he goes. How his jaw tenses. How his eyes gleam some more.

“Give me a little bit of time, I’ll get you that information but it’ll be after the holidays before I do.”

She just nods. “Not a word to TJ, about this or what I’ve told you. I’ve only shared with you because he’s your brother.”

“He’ll find out Lily and when he does, be prepared because he’ll be furious.”

“Then I’ll be sure to make sure that he doesn’t find out,” she replies.

* * *

Christmas at the Hammond home is a brittle affair. Everyone is determined to be upbeat and happy for TJ but they all sense the underlying sense of fear that runs through the gaiety like a fault line. He’s playing along, he’s smiling and laughing but he’s drinking more, getting through scotch like it’s going out of fashion and he’s barely touched the sumptuous Christmas dinner that’s been provided. He’s not quite drunk but Lily guesses a couple more good sized glasses will do the trick. Alcohol does tend to be the catalyst for bad behaviour within the family dynamic, when someone is spoiling for a fight, booze always seems to help bring matters to a head remarkably quickly but not today; it would seem today everyone is determined to be on their best behaviour, for TJ and Lily can see it’s pissing him off slightly.  When their eyes meet across the dinner table, his message is telegraphed loud and clear to her; _‘you see, I told you it would be like this’_ and he’s fucking miserable with it. His heart is aching, constructed of tiny shards of glass, each beat and every breath making him bleed on the inside.

He’s barely clinging to sanity by the time he retreats to his room, his gifts bundled in his arms. He’s smiled and thanked and professed to love each and every one but he’s on auto pilot now, wanting to be out of there. Now is when he’d be looking for his next bump of coke, a pill to take the edge off, whatever it is that he craves. Now would be the time he’d be sliding on his jacket, grabbing his wallet and making his excuses but he can’t, not today and as a result his mood is wearing thin.

So Lily sits with him on his bed while he lies across her lap again and she strokes his hair. The atmosphere is fragile, able to shatter with a thoughtless word so they don’t talk but Lily can feel his tears dripping onto her skin, feel the shiver in each breath that he drags into his lungs. And with each breath that he forces through, her determination to make Reeves pay for what he’s done to TJ grows stronger.

* * *

Lily does her homework. Reeves becomes an obsession as she tracks him through the newspapers, television and social media, observing and cataloguing every move that he makes. He poses for photographs with his wife, his blonde cookie cutter wife. Cindy she thinks her name is. Prom Queen if there ever was one along with her prom king cheating asshole of a husband. Perfect smile, perfect teeth, perfect everything, oh except for personality. The wreckage of Lily’s cousin is proof of that.

TJ is recovering slowly but he’s hollow inside. People think he was sick over the holidays, a press release announced he was briefly hospitalised because of an allergic reaction to antibiotics but the people who know the truth don’t breathe a word to the contrary.  He’s looking for something to occupy his time. He’s bored and no one will give him the time of day never mind the opportunity. Lily goes to work at a small independent book store and then she comes home to her little apartment where she researches some more. She talks to a couple of friends who have come aboard her little project. They are experts in their field. They don’t know the entire plan, just their part in it. No names are mentioned, the fewer there are, the smaller the range of culpability.

Then a piece of information falls into her lap and almost simultaneously she gets a text from Dougie. It’s almost like kismet has blessed her. It’s the name of a discreet little bar not too far from the Beltway. One of her friends whispers to her that it has a special kind of clientele, one a certain duplicitous congressman would not like to be made public.

Lily’s own mother wouldn’t recognise her by the time her friends are finished with her. Her usual blonde hair is covered by a long chestnut brown wig, her blue eyes hidden by dark contacts. When she sees herself in the mirror her heart gives a jump, the difference is startling. She wears an emerald green bodycon dress complete with five inch heels. Her underwear is La Perla and expensive, the perfume equally so. Her friend Jeremy acts as both her date and her bodyguard. He’s also a top rate actor and just the best at what he does.

Lily’s phone buzzes with another text, anonymous this time but the message is short and succinct.

_‘He’s there right now’_

Fuelled by enough vodka to sink a ship, they take a cab there, make their entrance. No one gives Lily a second look as they walk into the bar but Jeremy gets more than one. She’s chosen him for a specific reason. Blondish curly hair, bright blue eyes, a certain height and body type. It would seem Reeves has a type. Her heart is banging in her chest as they head to the bar. She sees him across the way and he’s alone and nursing a single drink. He lifts his head and makes eye contact with Jeremy and within five minutes she knows everything is going to go to plan. She orders a dry martini and sips it, watching as Reeves tries to eye fuck her friend from across the bar and it takes her everything she has not to go over to him and give him a swift kick to the nuts.

He introduces himself to them as Steven but Lily isn’t fooled. She’s seen the press pictures, the television interviews as well as the tan line where his wedding ring usually is. She’s not fucking fooled for an instant but she lets him think that he’s the smartest man in the room.

A couple of hours later they’re in a hotel room and that’s when the fun truly begins.

* * *

The next morning she’s back at her apartment, scrubbed clean courtesy of an extra hot shower but even then she doesn’t think she’s managed to completely erase the stink of him from her skin. She sips at her coffee as she checks the video footage obtained. Oh the hotel room wasn’t a spur of the moment decision, she’d already booked it under an assumed name and paid in cash, a seedy anonymous place with no closed circuit television, popular for anonymous hook ups and fuck ups. When you’re friends with TJ Hammond, you get to know a few. It was specially wired for sound and super clear HD pictures. Video and still imagery and everything is there. Reeves was drunk but not drunk enough to be unable to give his consent. He was all over Jeremy who was also more than willing to comply.

Lily thinks of Cindy and those children back in Ohio as she clicks through each photograph, each one more lurid and scandalous than its predecessor and a grim smile crosses her lips. She refuses to let the guilt get to her as she selects the ones she considers to be her absolute favourites and emails them to her contact at the Washington Post. Anonymously of course, via a disposable email address. Once they’re sent, she sits back and she waits for the shit to hit the fan.

_And oh does it._

Pretty soon it’s all that the media are talking about, in print and on television and Lily sits and watches as his reputation is slowly but utterly destroyed, ground into dust. Should she feel guilt at being a party to this, to being the creator of his downfall? She does feel a little twinge of remorse at the thought of what his wife, his children, his parents must be feeling that their prodigal son, their shining light has feet of clay but she remembers what he did to TJ and it all eases.

 _You reap what you fucking sow_.  

She watches the interview that he grants to the news network most sympathetic to his party, claiming how he was the victim of a honey trap, how he admits tearfully to having an alcohol problem, that it’s alcohol that unleashes all of these weak sinful urges inside of him and that of course he’s getting help. The interviewer is filled with wide eyed sympathy, eating it all up with a fucking spoon. It’s all Lily can do not to stick a finger down her throat and barf.

She thinks he hopes the interview will cauterize the bleeding wound that’s his career but of course it doesn’t. Others begin to come out of the woodwork, all with similar stories, sickeningly familiar stories. Lily watches them, wondering whether TJ is watching them too and realising that this bastard who filled his heart with promises, who tied him up in knots fed him a whole lot of nothing.

She watches the necessary press conference Reeves gives a few days later, with his wife standing beside him like the dutiful little china doll that she is, where he announces that he’s resigning his seat and heading back to Ohio to heal. The noise she makes at that pronouncement is not ladylike to say the least but Lily watches his wife throughout this little charade and she can see the rage burning at the backs of her eyes. Lily recognises it because she’s felt the exact same thing.

Maybe she isn’t so dutiful after all.

Dougie calls her later that same day.

“That was all down to you wasn’t it?”

She doesn’t reply and hears his sigh of frustration.

“Fine but be warned, there’s a rumour going around that Reeves thinks TJ was behind it and he’s calling in his lawyers. You need to deal with this before it get a whole lot worse.”

* * *

Lily’s hair is blonde and her eyes are blue but it’s the Hammond name that gains her access to Sean Reeves as he’s packing up his office.

She see how he looks at her, how utterly defeated he is and all she can think is ‘it serves you right’.

“Hammond?” he enquires, standing behind his desk and looking at her. “Any relation to…”

“Bud? TJ? Dougie? Uncle and Cousins…” she replies. She sees how he looks at her afresh then and she shrugs.  “I’ve been told we have the same eyes.”

 His expression clears. “You’re Lily, TJ’s childhood best friend…”

“He talked about me to you?”

“Off and on. Plus there are the photos he has. Of course. I see it now. He loves you very much.” 

Lily feels her cheeks burn slightly at this revelation, the anger that swells at the familiarity of which he talks about TJ, like he was someone special to him after all. She refuses to feel guilty for playing a part in his downfall.

“Can I help you with something Miss Smith?”

Lily stares at him. This is the man her cousin claims to be in love with, whose rejection drove him to try and take his own life. She takes a deep breath.

“My grandmother Hammond used to tell me that revenge is a dish best served cold. So how cold are you feeling right now Congressman?” she enquires and she sees how he looks at her with slowly narrowing eyes wondering what the hell she’s talking about. Lily takes a step closer to him.

“Her name was Serinda, his was Joseph. Those photographs were spectacular and so damned incriminating don’t you think?” Her voice is low, barely above a whisper but she knows that he’s heard every single word.

She sees his look of dawning horror as he finally realises who she is and her answering smile is grim. “I heard on the grapevine that you think TJ was behind all of this. I’m here to tell you that he wasn’t. He doesn’t know a thing about it so you can call off your legal dogs before it gets even more embarrassing for you.”

“You’re his cousin, you’d say anything to protect him!” Reeves hisses at her, his face all of a sudden going very red.

“That’s true but you _know_ TJ and if you know him as well as I think you do then you’ll also know that this kind of play is not in his nature. He’s a brat, he’s a fuck up but vindictive enough to destroy a man’s career because his heart got stomped on? No, that’s not him. Me on the other hand…” Lily lets the sentence trail off.  The redness swiftly disappears.

“You? _Why_? We barely know each other.”

“Correction, we _don’t_ know each other but we have someone in common, someone I happen to love very much. Someone you left in your dust when you rejected him. All he did was love you.”

He doesn’t answer that.

“Did you know what he did before Christmas? When you told that obedient little press man that you were heading home for the holidays, no doubt to spend with your perfect little wife and your perfect little kiddies? After you rejected him so completely, not only him but who you are? The press said he was hospitalised due to an allergy to antibiotics but really he downed a bottle of vodka, took a handful of pills and he got into his mother’s car, turned on the ignition and waited for the carbon monoxide to do its thing.”

Lily pauses, clenching her fists at the anger that is coursing through her veins.

“My normally sparkling, fun loving cousin tried to take his life because of you.” Her voice grows harsh and she sees him grow pale.

“He decided that he would rather die than spend another moment away from you. You were the first man he gave his heart to with complete trust and you stomped on it until it was a bloody pulp and not only did you crush him but you did it in the cruellest way possible, throwing back at him his reputation, calling him an American punchline? You should’ve just stabbed him through the heart with a pair of scissors and been done with it.” Tears burn at the backs of her eyes.

Now he looks appalled but Lily is nowhere near being done with him yet.

“You built him up, you made him believe that he had a future with you and then you lied to him and you didn’t care because you’ve done it before, to other men.  As long as you were protected then you didn’t care what happened to him, to any of them. He almost _died_ Congressman.”

“I’m not responsible for the choices he made Miss Smith,” he answers woodenly but he can’t look at her as he says this.

“You keep telling yourself that but I hold you responsible and I won’t forget it and neither will a few more people you don’t want to piss off.” Lily pauses to take a breath.  “All I’m asking now is that when you return to Ohio, you stay there, you don’t contact my cousin again under any circumstances. Do you understand me?”

“Or else?”

“Don’t push me Congressman because you really don’t want to know what I’m truly capable of. I can make for a real bad enemy when provoked,” she retorts and Reeves straightens.

“Is that a threat Miss Smith? I could have you arrested.” His voice turns silky. Lily stares at him, holds his gaze.

“I don’t know, was it? How about you try and test me? Call in your security while we’re at it and we’ll see how far this can really go.” She grips her purse tighter between her fingers and her gaze doesn’t falter.

“Stay in Ohio. Start again if you must but please, stay away from my cousin in the future. Or if you can’t then at least have the courage to be honest to yourself and your wife.”

Lily turns and leaves the office and her heart is beating like a bass drum in her chest as she makes her way out of his office, fully expecting to be stopped by his security on the way but she’s not. It doesn’t surprise her somehow.

* * *

Loud insistent hammering on her front door drags Lily out of a deep sleep the following Sunday morning. The door rattles on its hinges and she all but runs to answer it. When she sees TJ through the peephole and that he’s angry is when she knows that the jig is up. She unlocks the door and opens it.

He’s holding a tabloid magazine in his hand.

“TJ?”

“What the fuck did you do?” he breathes.

Lily widens her eyes. “I don’t know what you’re talking about,” she answers and takes a step back as he pushes past her and comes into her apartment. She turns, closing the door behind her as he spins around and glares at her.

“Did you think that I wouldn’t find out? The girl in the La Perla underwear in that dive motel? It’s _you_!” he yells and she stares at him in shock.

“How do you know?” She’d been so careful with her disguise.

“Your birthmark sweetheart, on your left shoulder blade, I’d recognise it anywhere!” he retaliates and she briefly closes her eyes. Of course he’d recognise a birthmark. It’s no use denying it and he’s angry enough.

“And who was the guy?”

“Just someone I know,” she answers, looking away for a minute.

“Bore more than a passing resemblance dontcha think?”

Lily flicks a look back up at him. He’s jealous.

“That was kinda the point of the whole thing,” she mumbles, looking down again.

“Do you have any idea what you’ve _done_?” he demands and again she looks up at him.

Her eyes narrow.

“Am I sorry? Do I regret what I’ve done? No. Would I do it again? In a fucking heartbeat,” she tells him, her voice hardening and she sees his eyes widen with shock.

“He has a wife, he has children. His career is _over_!”

“That didn’t seem to bother him when he was fucking with you, literally and figuratively!” Lily retaliates.

TJ slowly shakes his head. “You ruined his career…” he breathes.

“And he almost killed you. His career is the last thing he should be worried about. He ripped you apart without a second glance. He obliterated you, I watched you fall to pieces because of him and you want _me_ to say sorry?” she retorts in disbelief and sees how his eyes become glassy and still.

“I told you not to do anything, I _asked_ you not to.”

“I know but I didn’t say that I wouldn’t. He lied to you, he fed you all sorts of bullshit and you ate it up. He’s even done it before. He’s a grade A fucker Tommy, he got what he deserved. He chose to lie, to you, to himself and to his wife and his family, that’s _all_ on him.”

TJ shakes his head again, appalled. “You don’t get to be judge and jury Lily,” he tells her and then he stares at her for a long moment. “I don’t know you anymore,” he whispers and horror struck, she goes to him, takes his hand but he yanks it away, holding it up, staring at her with wide eyes, like he’s looking at a stranger. “I can’t believe you did that and that you think it’s okay.”

“I did it for _you_ , I’m sure you would’ve done the same for me.”

“Not like this….”

“I didn’t mean for you to find out like this, I didn’t want you to know at all.”

“And I didn’t, I didn't make the connection until I saw the fucking photographs this rag published. I didn’t realise until I saw the photos in there. Jesus! Just… don’t… just don’t call me again Lily, I’m done with you, I don’t want to speak to you or see you again.”

 Her eyes go wide with horror, her jaw actually drops open and she feels tears threaten.

“Tommy…” she beseeches, taking his hand and he pushes her away. Lily staggers back a couple of steps.

“Don’t you ever call me that name again,” he snarls and drops the magazine at her feet and she stares down at it, blurred through a wall of tears as TJ heads to the door.  She spins around, stumbles after him.

“TJ…” she begins and he turns and look at her with such utter contempt that anything she was about to say dries up in her throat.

“What were you expecting me to say Lily? Were you expecting me to _thank_ you? I won’t forgive you for this, not ever.” 

Lily doesn’t speak, feels tears run down her cheeks as he turns and walks out. “TJ?” she yells down the corridor at his retreating back but he ignores her and she gasps at the pain of the rejection that tears through her.

* * *

And for six months TJ keeps to his word. Lily tries calling him but she doesn’t get through, it either rings out or it goes to voicemail and when it does that, she leaves him messages of apology for hurting him, asking him to call her, offering to meet for coffee somewhere, anywhere but they’re ignored. She should’ve realised this, he’s a man of his word. She just didn’t expect to be on the other end of this rejection. Phone calls to Dougie are awkward. He promises to talk to him but Lily knows him, she knows how stubborn he is, she doubts he’d listen to him. She misses him, she misses his company, his smile and his laugh and while she does understand why he’s so angry, she will not apologise for what she did.

Then the news hits the wires that his supposed allergic reaction to antibiotics at Christmas was in fact a suicide attempt and suddenly he’s front page news again.  Once more he’s fodder for the late night talk shows and news channels to devour and regurgitate.

Now more than ever Lily needs to talk to him, see how he’s coping with this renewed speculation but she’s still very much in Siberia. She sends him a text.

_‘I’m here if you need me. Remember you’re a Hammond. Don’t let the bastards drag you down. Call me. Anytime, L x ’_

* * *

 

Dougie shows up with an engraved invitation to the opening of a new nightclub. TJ’s nightclub and his current obsession.

Lily invites Dougie inside, eager for news of TJ and he tells her that he’s been busy with the opening and how it’s given him something to focus on.

“He does miss you Lily,” he tells her as she hands him a cup of coffee.

“Then why hasn’t he returned any of my calls?” she wants to know and Dougie regards her.

“Rightly or wrongly, what you did hurt him. I understand your intentions and I think the bastard got what he deserved but TJ loved him, may have even harboured hopes of a reconciliation sometime in the future, however absurd that may sound,” Dougie confesses and Lily sighs. It is absurd, he’d be setting himself up for even more heartache and she wouldn’t like to even contemplate how he’d cope when it all fell to pieces again.

“I didn’t mean to hurt him but I won’t apologise for what I did. I’d do it again.”

He looks at her, his expression serious. “I know. He was so angry when he realised what you’d done but he’s starting to realise that maybe you did it because you love him.”

“That’s exactly why.”

Dougie hands her the invitation. “That’s why he asked me to give you this, to ask whether you’d come? He’d love to see you.” He hands her the black and gold embossed invitation and she looks down at it, seeing her name inscribed on the smooth surface. She looks back at him.

“He couldn’t give this to me himself?”

“He’s really busy Lily, otherwise he would’ve. Will you come?”

“Sure.”

She sees how Dougie smiles in relief.

“Great, he’ll be pleased. I think he’s nervous, he really wants it to succeed.”

“I’ll be there, you can tell him that.”

* * *

Lily’s running late. When she finally gets to the venue, she joins the ever expanding line of people outside, all waiting their turn and she’s prepared to wait but the moment security sees her then she’s ushered through. She’s on the VIP list apparently. She smiles to herself. She wants to see TJ, hug him if he’ll let her.

The club is heaving, music blasting through a top of the range sound system. She look for him but she doesn’t see him. Come to think of it, she doesn’t see anyone from the Hammond family. She makes her way through the heaving bodies and eventually she sees Dougie. He sees her and surges towards her, grabbing onto her wrist once she’s close enough.

“Come with me,” he commands against her ear, his voice low and tight. Lily recognise that tone and her stomach plunges to her shoes. It can only mean one thing; trouble.

“What’s happened?” she yells above the noise but he ignores her and propels her through the crowds, through a door and the sudden silence is blessed. It’s then that she realises the VIP area is filled with even more people and they’re surrounding someone lying on the floor. They’re paramedics and all of a sudden she’s filled with a strange sense of foreboding.

“Lily sugar?” She tears her eyes from the figure on the floor and sees Uncle Bud getting to his feet, his face pale, almost grey. Worried. It’s then that she knows who’s lying down there and she goes towards him.

“Oh God, TJ,” she whispers and feels someone grab her arm and pull her back.

“Let them do their job Lily,” Dougie murmurs and she look at him for a moment, sees that his eyes are the only colour in his face.

“What happened?”

“Another overdose,” Bud tells her and she looks down again, sees the vomit that surrounds TJ’s head and she swallows. He’s so still, pale, dark shadows smudged beneath both eyes.

“Oh God,” she whispers again, lifting her hand to her mouth. She watches as the paramedics lift him onto the gurney. He’s floppy, he looks dead. Lily looks at Dougie and then at Bud.

“I’ve called mom, she’ll meet us at the hospital,” Dougie tells his father.

“I’ll go with him in the ambulance,” Uncle Bud replies and Dougie nods.

He looks at Lily. “You can come with me,” he instructs, as if she would be anywhere else.

* * *

The family are congregated at the hospital. It’s a scene that’s been played out far too often. It won’t be long before the press get wind and the same old stories will reappear in the media; TJ Hammond has fucked up once again.

They wait for news but Lily can sense the underlying tension in the room. Something has happened for him to slip so spectacularly and being out of the family loop these past six months means she has no way of knowing. No matter, she just want him to recover but this waiting, this hoping is exhausting.

Luck is with TJ once more. His mom, dad and grandma take turns in sitting with him while Lily sits in the waiting room. It’s the next afternoon and she’s sleeping somewhat uncomfortably across three chairs, Dougie’s jacket over her shoulders when he wakes her up and tells her that TJ want to see her.

He look tired, worn out but he softly smiles when he sees her and she exhales somewhat noisily and feel tears come to her eyes. He’s still wearing an oxygen tube beneath his nose but there are no other monitors. She goes to him and hugs him and he leans against her. She doesn’t want to let him go, so relieved to see that he’s okay, or at least that he’s still alive. She sits down on the chair beside his bed and she looks at him,  _really_ looks at him.

“You look like shit Tommy,” she tells him and the corner of his mouth tips in a semblance of a smile.

“I feel like it. I’m sorry Lil, I honestly didn’t intend to hurt myself,” he apologises quietly.

She slowly shakes her head. "It doesn’t matter, you’re still here and that’s what’s important. What happened?”

TJ sighs shakily, raggedly.

“I saw Sean again…” He watches her eyes go wide with outrage “I invited him to the opening night, offered to put him on the VIP list and he said he’d come. My dad then changed his mind about coming, didn’t like the idea of me being involved in something like this given how I am and when my mom found out about Sean coming, she changed her mind too. The most important night of my life and they couldn’t support me, not this once.”

“So you thought, fuck them all and slid off that precarious wagon in spectacular style. That’s stupid, even for you Tommy,” Lily murmurs.

“Well you can’t say that I’m not dramatic.” He leans back into his pillows and closes his eyes. She reaches across and take his hand and his eyes open again.  For a moment they just stare at each other.

“As it turns out, Sean didn’t show. Probably didn’t have any intention of coming.”

She sees how he slowly blinks, pain flashing across his eyes, quickly masked. Then he looks at her and his smile is somewhat gentle. ”I missed you Lily, missed you so goddamn much,” he whispers.

She softly smiles in response. “Missed you too. I’ve hated not being able to talk to you but please don’t expect me to apologise for what I did to him because I never will.”

She waits, wondering what his reaction to her words will be.

“I know.” He licks dry lips so she gets him a little water, holding the glass and directing the straw to his mouth and watches as he drinks a little of it.  Once he’s finished, she puts the glass back on the cabinet by his bed.

“I understand now that you were looking out for me. I know you love me, I know you hate seeing me in pain but sometimes I’m the one responsible for that pain y’know?”

“You weren’t responsible for what he did to you and I’ll never forgive him for that. You have to stay away from him Tommy. You need to be strong enough to be able to do that. Do you think you ever will be?”

She watches him shrug.

 “I don’t know. I want to be. I don’t want to be this…joke anymore.”

“Then what do you want to be?” she asks.

TJ look at her. “I guess want to be happy. Sober. Loved by someone who sees me and not a name or a reputation,” he confesses.

“Then you get help. Go to rehab and I mean really embrace it and accept it. It’ll take time and it’ll be damned hard but it will be worth it.”

“That’s easy for you to say,” he murmurs.

Lily sighs quietly and leans closer to him.

“Do you remember your twenty second birthday party? You dropped an ecstasy tablet on my tongue and I tripped for hours. Remember what happened to you?” 

She sees how he rolls his eyes.

“My first overdose.”

“You dropped like a stone beside me. Someone gave you what you thought was a line of coke and you went for it.”

“It wasn’t coke though, it was a speedball,” he remembers and she nods.

“You turned blue, went into seizures. That sobered me up real quick and it was after that that I enrolled into a rehab program and I stuck to it. How? I remembered how you dropped, how you looked. I thought you were dead TJ. I’ve never forgotten it and I’ve never regretted staying clean.”

He stares at her in surprise.  “You never told me that.”

“Because you never asked but that’s the reason why. I think you need to think about what happened last night and decide whether it’s a good enough reason for you to get your act together once and for all because if you want people to trust you, to take you seriously, then you need to show intent.”

“Going to rehab, getting my shit together….”

“Shows intent and if you want me with you as moral support then I’ll be there for you, every step of the way.”

TJ looks at her and she sees the fear in his eyes.

“You don’t have to decide right now but you _do_ have a lot of thinking to do.”

“Well if you can do it…”

“You need to be serious and think about it TJ, it has to be for the right reasons.” Lily sees the fatigue in his eyes “But right now you need to rest, get some sleep. Don’t worry, I’ll be here when you wake up.”

“You’ve been the only true constant in my life Lil and I’m sorry for blocking you out. Forgive me?” His eyes are heavy, words slurring. Sleep isn’t far away.

“Always,” she whispers. “Just don’t take advantage of it too much.”

He smiles slowly, sleepily as his eyes slide shut and she gently tightens her grip around his fingers and watches as he falls asleep.

 

**FIN**

 

 


End file.
